Readings (Year A):
Acts 1:1–11
Psalm 47:2–3, 6–7, 8–9
Ephesians 1:17–23
Matthew 28:16–20
Reflection: When doubt and worship coexist
Today’s gospel reading for the Feast of the Ascension comes from the last five verses of Matthew’s Gospel—a resurrection narrative in which the eleven remaining disciples climb a mountain and encounter the risen Christ. This brief account includes one of the most unexpected verses in Matthew’s Gospel. We are told that when the disciples saw the risen Jesus, “They worshiped, but they doubted.”
This is the last human act in Matthew’s Gospel, this act of worship and doubt. I’ve read this account and this verse many times, but I’m still shocked by it. I’m not surprised that the disciples feel this way. But I’m surprised that Matthew tells us. He could have simply said, “And they worshiped him.” But he doesn’t. He insists that doubt—or “hesitation,” as the word can also be translated—is as much a part of the human response to the resurrected Lord as worship. We might not have thought that doubt and worship could go hand in hand. But according to the canonical gospel, they do.
Now this verse may feel unexpected when we hear it proclaimed on a Sunday morning, but it’s entirely consistent with the rest of Matthew’s Gospel. The Greek word proskyneo, which means to pay homage or to go down on one’s knees is used eight times by Matthew in describing encounters with Jesus: the magi, a man with leprosy, an official whose daughter has died, the disciples after Jesus walked on water, a Canaanite woman . . . the list goes on. Obviously, there is something different about this Jesus of Nazareth. He is one before whom people go down on their knees.
But doubt is also prevalent in this gospel. And again, Matthew isn’t shy about saying it. About half the references to “faith” in his gospel are references to “little faith” or “lack of faith.” People may fall on their knees before Jesus, but that doesn’t mean they fully understand him or his mission.
Let’s go back to the mountain, and the risen Jesus, and the eleven disciples: They worshiped, but they doubted. We should note that this isn’t the co-existence of doubt and faith but the co-existence of doubt and worship. Worship is falling down on one’s knees, whether literally or figuratively. Worship can be a deliberate act, but at its heart, it is an instinct, a gut reaction. Worship happens when we are moved deeply, within ourselves, to respond to something extraordinary and sacred.
Doubt also happens at the gut level. It is not something that we control. It is an organic response to our experiences and to what we consider to be possible.
And so, what at first hearing seems like an unexpected combination—doubt and worship—may be one of the most natural combinations there is—especially in circumstances such as the resurrection of the dead. In their minds the disciples asked, How? And with their bodies, they fell on their knees. Here we see what may be the purest worship of all: worship with minds wide open to an extraordinary reality we can neither control nor understand, but which our gut believes just might be possible.
New Testament scholar Raymond Brown insightfully points out that the risen Jesus is not repelled by the disciples’ doubt. Instead, the text says, “He approached.” And it is to these disciples—the worshippers and doubters—that Jesus entrusts the good news and promises to remain until the end of the age.
So, on this great feast, let’s remember that our response to the risen Lord need not be one-dimensional in order to be pure and deep and real. Doubt is a natural response to the extraordinary. Let your heart feel it, and then, let it worship.
