I often think that Catholics have a parenting problem. Sure, we’re very good at idealizing parenthood: the beauty of family life, the miracle of new life, the vocation of motherhood. Just think of Mary in her blue robes, eyes demurely cast down at her idyllically sleeping baby Jesus. Or the societal image of the “perfect” Catholic family—a mom, a dad, and three (or four, or more) well-behaved children, all lined up in a pew in their Sunday best.
But there’s a painful dissonance between these images and the experiences that many—if not most—families live day to day. Pope Francis recognized this disconnect; in Amoris Laetitia (On Love in the Family), he describes the “socio-cultural realities that oftentimes end up crushing families,” including lack of housing, inadequate health care, lack of paid family leave, and denial of workers’ rights. Not to mention, he continues on to say, the stresses that things like war, migration, and disability place on families and parents.
In understanding the impossible situation in which many parents find themselves, Pope Francis has an unlikely ally: Grammy-nominated singer Chappell Roan. In a recent podcast interview, the 27-year-old said, “All my friends who have kids are in hell. I actually don’t know anyone who’s happy and has children at this age. . . anyone who has light in their eyes, who has slept.”
As you might imagine, her remarks caused an uproar. Moms flooded social media with comments about how offended they were at the implication that they weren’t happy, while others jumped to her defense, pointing out that people have all kinds of feelings about parenthood, all of which are valid.
Being a parent doesn’t make me feel like I’m in hell—except for maybe when I’m stuck deep in the trenches of an unending toddler make-believe game about magic trains and flying camels that poop on the bad guys (the potty humor is real at this age). But I absolutely love baking cookies with my 3-year-old, planting seeds, reading books, and falling asleep in a pile of cuddles. I love his funny mind and the way he tells stories, the fact that his favorite color is “rainbow,” and his habit of telling me how “beautiful” the most mundane things are.
Here’s the thing, though: I am absolutely saying this from a place of privilege. I have a strong support system of friends and family. I work full-time and get to show up in spaces as both an intellectual professional and as a mom—and I have reliable and high-quality child care that makes this possible. I also work from home, which means the balance between work and home life is at least a tad easier to juggle. My husband and I might complain about the rising cost of, well, everything, and we might have to tighten our belts as inflation worsens and prices go up, but I’m never worried about putting food on the table. We have good health insurance, and I know if any one of us get sick, we’ll be taken care of.
What both Pope Francis and Chappell Roan have pointed out, in their very different ways, is that being a happy parent, somewhere along the way, has become a privilege, accessible only to a few people. And they are both very right in their adamancy that it shouldn’t be this way. Self-fulfillment as a parent shouldn’t be reserved for the lucky few who have financial stability, flexible jobs, community networks, and the ability to pay for the ever-rising cost of child care.
Throughout his papacy, Pope Francis reminded people over and over again that families are an important part of God’s dream for the world—that they create a world where everyone feels valued, loved, and included. His vision continues to challenge both the church—including Catholic organizations and employers—and the broader world to create systems that support parents. This means advocating for paid family leave, universal health care, livable wages, and everything else that makes flourishing families possible. Because Chappell Roan is right: Too many parents are living in hell right now.
This article also appears in the July 2025 issue of U.S. Catholic (Vol. 90, No. 7, page 9). Click here to subscribe to the magazine.
Image: Wikimedia Commons/Justin Higuchi
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