Domestic violence has been a taboo subject. No one can really know what is going on in the mind of an abuse victim without truly being there. The complexity of the relationship between the abuser and the abused is often so intricate that most can’t comprehend—as shown in the in depth interviews with six domestic abuse survivors the Huffington Post released this morning. “Why didn’t you just leave?” many ask. A multitude of reasons: Money woes. Fear of leaving with uncertain consequences. Fear of being alone. Love and the thought that it can change the abuser. Shame.
After the video of former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice punching his then-fiancée Janay Palmer in the face and knocking her unconscious in an elevator surfaced, many people were outraged. The NFL has dismissed Ray from his position and suspended him indefinitely.
Ray’s situation brought domestic violence to the forefront of the nation. After seeing people question Palmer of why she would still marry Ray after the incident, writer Beverly Gooden took matters into her own hands. On Twitter she shared her thoughts followed by her hashtag #WhyIStayed. Here are a few of her tweets:
I tried to leave the house once after an abusive episode, and he blocked me. He slept in front of the door that entire night. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
He said he would change. He promised it was the last time. I believed him. He lied. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
I stayed because I was halfway across the country, isolated from my friends and family. And there was no one to help me. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
For me, the most worrisome of her tweets was:
I stayed because my pastor told me that God hates divorce. It didn't cross my mind that God might hate abuse, too. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
According to the CDC, on average, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States—more than 12 million women and men over the course of a year. This simple hashtag is the catalyst of a long-overdue conversation and has brought the topic the most publicity it has received in a long time. It prompted many women and men to share their stories of survival on Twitter and through the new survivors’ community, WhyIStayed.net.
The tweets are moving and sad, but also are profoundly courageous and offer hope for others to come forward and know that the abuse they are experiencing is absolutely not OK.
Need help for yourself or someone you know? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. You can also contact the organization Catholics for Family Peace which specializes in domestic violence help.
Image: Flickr photo cc by Georgie Pauwels
