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Q: When I try to pray, I always lose focus after a couple minutes. Is this normal? How can I learn to pray better?
—Devoted and Distracted
A: Welcome to the club! This is indeed quite normal. In fact, think about other aspects of your life. How often do you lose focus at work, with your family, in the midst of menial tasks or even in the midst of things you find important? Maintaining focus isn’t easy in general. Even sometimes during a conversation we must stop and say, “What was I talking about? I lost my train of thought.” The difference is, when it comes to prayer, we are much better at criticizing ourselves about losing focus. Rarely do we chastise ourselves when our minds drift at other times during the day. Even in the instance I just described about losing our train of thought in the midst of a conversation, that often leads laughter, or just saying “Oh, well” and resuming the conversation. The challenge with prayer is that we are often thinking that there’s a “right way” or, as you say, “better” way to pray, and somehow our form of prayer is falling short.
Prayer is our communication with God, and it’s how we nurture our relationship with God. So, there are many different kinds of prayers and ways to pray: Petitionary prayer (asking God for help), formal written prayers, friendly conversation, prayers of thanksgiving, silent abiding, and so much more. Often throughout our day and week we use different forms of prayer to relate to God. Sometimes our minds wander most when we are using a form of prayer that might not be best suited for that moment in time. Sometimes my mind wanders when I’m praying the psalms. Other times a particular psalm speaks powerfully to my heart. It might even be the same psalm on different days!
Here are a few suggestions for when you lose focus in prayer:
- Think of all of your thoughts like a flowing river. You are in a boat flowing with this river. When in prayer, if you drift a little, simply use your oar to steer back. Make a little correction. There’s no reason to make negative judgments. There’s a lot of water and a river’s nature is to flow! Just gently bring your mind back to your prayer and continue down the river. All is well. God is with you.
- If you lose focus repeatedly, perhaps this is an invitation to consider another type of prayer. If it’s a formal repetitive prayer that’s not working, then perhaps try to simply talk to God in your own words and speak your heart. If praying to God in your own words is challenging, then perhaps try simply to quiet your thoughts, know God’s presence in the silence, and listen.
- Remember prayer is about relationship. As it is with the most significant relationships in our lives, it’s not always so important what we do, or even what we say. It’s about loving presence. Be present to God and your prayer is fruitful.
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